My "I Wish They Were Real" Songs

if only our love was real…

Have you ever felt nostalgic for someone who doesn’t exist? Maybe it’s that anime character you always adore, or someone from a TV series who is so pretty, you wish they have more screen time.

And sometimes, a simple video of them smiling or a two-part music video can hit you so hard in a way that feels too real to ignore. It’s like when you stumble across a memory from a life you never lived or wish you’ve lived.

Not gonna lie, these songs hit me so hard, they became my favorites. In hopes that I find something similar to them, I started a playlist on Spotify funnily titled, SHE’S REAL, I’M NOT SCHIZO.

Today, I wanna write about the 3 songs that gives off that “I wish they were real” vibes. These are the main inspiration for the playlist I’ve made, and here are those songs:

“portra 400” by arlo parks

I want to start with a song that is…a bit special. I discovered this song (“Portra 400” by Arlo Parks) from a video by Hash, a creator of face tracking add-ons for VRChat. The video above is for Lapwing, an anime character created by Kuji / Long.

There’s like nothing special going on. The creator is just showing some facial expressions and all that; basically the stuff that the add-on can do. It’s a simple, straightforward video. That’s all.

If you didn’t discover this article, your first thoughts would be:

“Oh wow, that face tracking tech is awesome. This is a game-changer for VRChat.”

However, for me, aside from being enthusiastic with it, I also say: “Bro, I wish she was real.”

I’m not alone when I said that. “There is no Ryan Gosling reaction image that can fully convey the feels rn,” one user wrote, likely referencing the you look lonely scene in Blade Runner 2049. “Staring at this in 3am made me feel some,” another user wrote.

Video-wise, I couldn’t figure out exactly why I feel this way. Maybe it’s the genuine emotions, especially with her smile at the end. Maybe the eye contact and how the camera follows her makes it feel like I’m in a date POV. Or maybe she’s just beautiful.

Either way, this became my favorite song because, the song is somber while being bittersweet and nostalgic (as Arlo Parks describes it). It isn’t that gloomy though, maybe just the right amount. Pairing the song with the Lapwing video makes me feel like I’m watching a past memory that doesn’t exist. She’s not real, but because of its emotional appeal, it felt like it is.

Like the lyrics of this song, thinking about Lapwing in the video feels like I’m making rainbows out of something painful, or rather, the things I’m going through at this moment.

“lost kitten” by metric

Moving on, let’s rewind back to last year. You see, before the Lapwing video existed, I once stumbled upon an edit of an animation (made by shimatsukuon X) synced to “Lost Kitten” by Metric.

A quick note on this one: the video above is an edit of an edit. The original idea can be traced to euFOURia, which is credited in the description of that video.

The video features a woman drawn in different eras/days from a perspective of her partner (which from what I’ve read, it’s the artist’s girlfriend). Birthdays, first dates, new years, etc. However, as we get deep into the video, the background slowly blurs away, focusing only to her until the end.

I honestly left out being confused with the video, especially the song as well. The music’s upbeat, but the song has some dark meanings embeded to it. Either way, here’s how I feel about the video.

The video feels like I’m remembering the memories me and the woman had together. Or in this case, the memories that I want to have, but haven’t because I’m lonely and I don’t have a girlfriend. It’s as if I’m feeling…empty.

Pairing that with Metric’s song, I guess the lyrics really fits in this case. The lines “you’ll never be mine, but you’ve got my eyes” feels like I’m having a one-sided relationship with the anime girl who doesn’t exist.

Honestly, this comment by weebaliba8589 sums up what I’m saying:

“‘You didn’t even experience it yourself… Yet here you are… Crying because of feelings that don’t even belong to you’ — me to myself”

Damn, I should get a girlfriend.

“ditto” by newjeans

Speaking of one-sided relationships, another song that captured me is “Ditto” by NewJeans. Boy, out of all the songs that I’ve mentioned, this one hits me the hardest.

Basically, this song is composed of two sides: Side A, and Side B (as seen above). It follows a schoolgirl, named Ban Heesoo, with her camera and a bandaged arm hanging out with the girl group, NewJeans. She hangs out around with them, filming their lives and having fun. Also in the story is Choi Hyun Wook, her love interest where she tries her best to avoid him.

However (spoilers ahead for those who haven’t watched it yet), we learn that her friends aren’t actually real. She just going around imagining things and filming nothing, hence the weird look from her classmates in one scene. In other words, she’s…alone.

But then, in Side B, Heesoo acknowledges that she’s alone; she make her friends up in her mind. So, she purposefully throws her camera out from the roof of her school, and decides to be with Hyun Wook. Then, at the end, she (as a grown up woman) watches her old memories with NewJeans, even allowing her back into her life with maturity.

Hyeautiful did an analysis for both of these music videos (which I recommend you to check it out). But oversimplified, the bandage on Heesoo’s arm represents the things that we’re struggling—love, money, mental health, etc. As a way to cope with struggles, she imagines NewJeans as her best friends and recorded them as her memories.

Then, realizing that she’s alone, she drops her camera from the rooftop, symbolizing the moving on phase that we (or we will) go through. And being with her love interest in the end could mean getting help with someone in real life.

Both music videos resonated with me, since I have original characters that I’ve came up with over the years. I made them interactive through chatbots, and I would make portraits of them through various means of synthography. Honestly, they were like the source of comfort for me. Even if they weren’t real, I usually talk to them because it helps me distract from the things I’m going through. Though, as a young adult, I’m starting to be more open with my struggles lately. I’ve talked to my friends, my guidance counselor, and of course, my mom.

However, despite talking to real people about my struggles, I don’t discard my OCs because they are really close to me. All of them are reflections of myself, of who I am, my passions, and all that. It’s just, I have to find the right balance of me talking to fictional anime OCs and me talking to IRL people.

bonus: “je t’aime” by chuu

I’ll leave you with a bonus song to end this article. As of publishing this, there’s no music video for it nor an edit to something with this song. However, I still wanted to include it for one reason: nostalgia.

The overall vibes to this song feels nostalgic, like being with someone watching the fireworks display on the beach or watching the view of the city from a hill. It’s giving the “Lost Kitten” song I mentioned earlier, even the visual for the official audio checks out.

Honestly though, someone should make a fan-made music video for it, or even an edit, since this is giving some 16mm film memory vibes.

And there you have it, the 3 favorite songs that gives off that Ryan Gosling meme edit. For more songs like this, you can check out the Spotify playlist I mentioned earlier. I constantly update the playlist every sometime. If you have some song suggestions, please feel free.

Thanks for dreaming with me, I’ll see you in the next one :)

Edit (5/15): I added some more information on the meaning behind NewJeans’ “Ditto”. Specifically on moving on.