From today's featured article

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"Peter…"
My mother asks me as the titles to Loose Women roll.
"Why don’t you get a job?"
"But I can’t get a job mother, haven’t you heard about the economic crisis? There are no jobs!"
I patronise, with only the faintest idea of what an economy might be.
"Pah!"
Father pipes up re-ruffling his paper.
"That’s just an excuse for those pithy paper pushing poofs. I bet you don’t even know what the economy is!"
"Sure I do, it’s, erm, the jobs ratios or—god is that the time!? I have to go!"
"Go where?"
He says lowering the paper.
"It's not like you have a job."
And therefore I don't have a life, obviously. Were you actually trying be ironic there?
"When is it you’re on that cruise again?"
I ask as my parting shot.
Stupid retired people, they don’t want to work and get away with it!

(Full article...)

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Did you know...

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• ... that Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US?
• ... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
• ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
• ... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
• ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
• ... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
• ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
• ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science?

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In the news

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• Austria wins Eurovision
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Upcoming

• South Park season will be Canadian

Ongoing:

• Eurovision
• The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune
• Russian Invasion
• Israel-Palestine conflict
• DOGE budget cuts
• SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie
• Trump and Xi's tariff games
• The IRS hunting late tax payers

Recent deaths:

• Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule
• Ruth Buzzi
• LeBron James' playoff run
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Upcoming deaths:

• DEI
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• Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom
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On this day

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May 18:

• "We Can Eat Cows Today" Day (India)
• 441 BC - Oedipus Rex, after learning the awful truth about his wife/mother, kills her and marries his father instead.
• 218 BC - Hannibal crosses the Alps and right as he makes it to Italy, realizes he could have just taken the ferry.
• 1948 - Time Magazine's printing press malfunctions: time is paused for five hours and twenty-three minutes before resuming.
• 1975 - Humpty Dumpty falls off the Berlin Wall, all the King's horses and all the King's men are executed by Soviets for being counterrevolutionaries.
• 1991 - Vegetables banned from the White House after George H. W. Bush discovers illicit affair between Barbara Bush and a man with severe cerebral palsy.
• 2014 - You have an erotic dream about your brother, you can't stand to look at him all day.
• 2017 - A Tyrannosaurus rex is successfully cloned in a Chinese lab, chooses to major in business instead of man-eating to the chagrin of Jurassic Park fans.

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